Here I Am


 “… at that time we were completely overwhelmed, the burden was more than we could bear, in fact we told ourselves that this was the end. Yet we now believe that we had this experience of coming to the end of our tether that we might learn to trust, not in ourselves, but in God who can raise the dead.” 2 Corinthians 1v8-9

God keeps delivering this verse to me on a silver platter. I’m going to be honest with you, whoever is reading this — I’m in college, I’m tired, I’m stressed. I feel like I come to the end of my tether almost three times a week. In fact, I just finished baking a batch of cookies because that’s what I do after a long day, I bake or knit; I’ve actually reached grandmother-hood in my early twenties. However, as weird as my personality is, while I’m writing this God is asking me why I’m not running to Him when I’m worn out by the ways of the world. He’s not telling me that baking is damaging to my soul or that crafts are harmful to my being, but He wants to know why it isn’t Him; why am I seeking peace in a trivial activity instead of finding it in my Creator?

There have been difficult seasons in my life where I have cried out to my Father for months without hesitation; Psalm 145v18 reads: “The Lord is near to all who call on Him.” Our lives are full of different purposes, and confusions, and longings, but when did we stop calling out to God in the small things? Why do we always have to wait until the weight is more than we can bear to bring it to God? – Do we think the small things aren’t as important? Have we deceived ourselves into thinking that we’re too damaged for our Father to have the desire to listen? Well, I have news for you, my friend, Revelation 5 states that the incense of heaven is the prayers of God’s people. I’m going to say that again, the aroma of the Lord’s home is the cries that His people make to Him. God is near you; your heart does not go unheard; never stop presenting yourself to Him.

The longer I let God stir in me as I write this, the more I realize that we’re brought to the end of our tether, not because God desires to see us down without him, because God wants us so deeply, but he needs us to see for ourselves that apart from Him we’re nothing. We allow God to thrive at the end of our tether because that’s when we start seeing Him as a big God; that’s when we allow Him to leave the holding cell that He’s locked up in until we’re desperate; that’s when we learn to trust the God who raises the dead. As imperfect humans we are always at the end of our tether, but why aren’t we constantly relying on God? We push ourselves so hard to make the life for ourselves that we envision, but what about God’s vision? Why are we shutting out God’s voice until we’re stuck? These may seem like simple questions, but the reality is that God is always near to us, yet we push Him aside so that we can test just how far we’re capable of going without Him. That’s the opposite God’s desire. He has plans so soul satisfying for each one of us, but we are so ignorant to His voice because we don’t allow ourselves to get to the point where we feel like we truly need Him to supply every breath. How different would our lives look if we made ourselves available to Him? Consider Genesis 22v1-14 when Abraham makes himself explicitly available to the Lord by responding in confidence with “Here I am,” even when he was being asked to trust God in a hard circumstance. The Lord was stretching him to his limit, but Abraham stood firm in his readiness to obey the will of the Father.

Have you ever considered the weight and significance behind the phrase: “Here I am, Lord”? These are the words that signify full adherence to the Lord. Nate Pyle says, “When we can’t do it any longer. When we are fed up. When it has become too much. When we have nothing left. When we are empty. When it is beyond our capability to deal with it. Then, in that moment, the strength of the God of resurrection will be seen.” Are people seeing the power of Christ in your life or are they witnessing you trying so desperately to stay above the waves? The image of Christ as our Lord is equally significant, but more neglected, than His role in being our savior; the life has already been given for us to be saved, the saving happened through the resurrection, but we don’t always equate saved with submitted. The call of Christ is our submission to Him, that’s when we allow work to be done in our life; that’s when we welcome transformation. You may notice me continuing to say that we have to allow the Lord to do work in and through us; this is because we’ve been gifted free will and we’re not going to be forced into something we don’t choose, but friends we need to be choosing Christ.

Now that I’ve arrived at the end of this spiel, I’ve realized that these words were meant for me and God just had me write them down. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I’m exhausted from wrestling with my Creator; who am I to decide where He can take me? So, Here I am, Lord, take my anxieties, take my relationships, take my finances, take my aspirations, take my doubts, take my heart; take my life.

“Would you come and tear down the boxes that I have tried to put You in? Let love come teach me who You are again.”  Over My Head (Crash Over Me) – Bethel

Written by Kori Crawford,